Hmmm.... as I ponder the topic of vulnerability and authenticity; which by the way is sort of my mantra, I'm stirred by the definitions presented in "The Gifts of Imperfection" of Courage, Compassion and Connection.  So let's explore them.

So what is courage,  some of us think it means to be heroic, doing things that would require one to risk one's life.  But interestingly, the origin of the word courage in Latin mean "heart".  The ancient definition meant to "share ones heart".   Courage then becomes a prerequisite for all of the above.  So sharing our hearts means we find safe people to share our fears, needs, and feelings which in today's world is a pretty brave thing to do.  But what an act of bravery and what a gift of potential connection and relationship having courage will bring.....

What about compassion, well I have always considered compassion to be very similar to empathy, non judgemental, fully present, hearing of another's heart; which it certainly is.  But it is even more,  Brene says it is impossible to fully have compassion unless you can dig into the depths of your own darkness, fears, failures, sufferings, and wounds.  If we can acknowledge our own imperfection, our own fears and failures then we can truly sit, and be fully present with one another.  When we do that, we take the power out of shame and fear which are the things we are required to walk through in order to live "wholeheartedly".  Well, I agree, how can we?  How can I truly understand your suffering if I refuse to acknowledge my own.  We live in a blame/shame society that wants to avoid feeling or taking responsibility and owning the deeper experiences.   It reminds me of the "horse" and the "rabbit" that became "real"  by having their fur loved off, in the "Velveteen Rabbit". 

The other side of the blame/shame game is "taking responsibility", it is much easier to rant and rave, to shame and blame, criticize, judge, resent... than it is to set a boundary out of self love and compassion, and hold another person accountable for their behavior.  I can personally attest to this!  It IS very hard to lovingly, and empathetically, set a boundary and be firm in the consequence with anyone we love.  It is however good self care.   They never like it when we do that, they sometimes try to make us pay.  Well I say it's worth it on the other side.  Letting those we love experience the full range of natural consequences of inappropriate or irresponsible behavior is good life teaching.  When we do the other thing, ranting, raving, screaming, blaming, then WE are the ones with the problem.  This becomes an issue of  setting boundaries.

Setting boundaries is where the compassion starts.  We become kinder and firmer.  People respond.

So what about  connection?  We are wired for it, we don't survive without it.  Without enough of it we become disordered, without any of it we die.  It's true.  Some people feel connected by the chattiness on face book, or texting, or email.  Some people think they are connected by physical proximity.  This is not true connection.  This is another topic all together that concerns me today.  It is much easier to NOT connect, than to connect. This type of connection, quite removed from real, is not the kind that feeds our hearts and souls and provides opportunities for wounds to heal.  It is pseudo connection, safe and non-intimate.   The truth is unless we are able to see each others faces, have real conversation, look in each others eyes, touch, be honest, give each other permission to fall apart, and to be imperfect together we have no real connection.  We don't need a lot, but we do need some to live in this way of authenticity and wholeheartedness.  I will tell you this is not the easy way.  This is the way that involves much risk.  What I can promise you is that this is also the way to true and meaningful connection.  These are the threads of the bonds that help us get through life, the rough times, and bring much more joy to the good times. 

So there you have it.  Have you bought the book yet?  Well these are things to ponder in your lives.  Again, my prayer for you is to CHOOSE LIFE, which will ask you to take some risks.

Have a wonderful day!
Cheryl

I am reading  a book titled "The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brene Brown and being deeply touched as she so perfectly describes our journey to authenticity, living with passion and being all we were created to be. 

I'm thinking about so many of you who are on the "journey" with me and thought you might enjoy some of her pearls. 

Today what touched me was her description of what it means to live wholeheartedly.  So many of us live with the pressure of "shoulds", "have to's".  We have become "human doings" instead of "human beings" to find worthiness instead of living from that place of "I am worthy", and I am enough.  So what does that mean?  How do we live from a place of "I am enough and I am worthy?"

Brene Brown so eloquently framed that by saying that worthiness comes from cultivating compassion, courage and connection.  It comes from choosing to believe that "no matter what gets done, no matter how much is left undone, I am enough.  It's going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn't change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging.

So many of us are wired to think that we need to perform and gain others approval in order to be loved.  That has been our experience.  We live in a shame/blame society.  The good news is that's not true.  What is true is that we are all imperfect, whew.... that is such a relief.  That means that in order to walk this out, to live from a place of "wholeheartedness"  we must be willing to risk, to be vulnerable, to walk every day authentically, with courage to be who we really are.  As we practice, practice, practice (courage), we find that along the way we are cultivating connection and out of that grows compassion. 

I LOVE IT!  How freeing is that.  So today give yourself permission to be imperfect, you are enough, your are loveable, and worthy of connection.  So for today I hope you take the risk to be real with someone who is safe, (who won't try to fix you, blame/shame you, or patronize you) to practice vulnerability and experience connection which is what we are all wired for, I will, hope you do too.

Be blessed, Cheryl
 

Is our deepest fear of failure or success.  Sometimes I think it is success.  I watch people so wounded by the wounded and wonder how I can help them see their incredible beauty.  How I convey they are lovable, how I can encourage them to be their authentic self and live free from fear.  Then I know it means I must mirror that in my life.  We are all mirrors. 
Cheryl

Our Deepest Fear

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Marianne Williamson